Summer

So I'm finally gonna go on a J1 this summer. I've been wanting to do this for like 5 years now, and I've resigned to the fact that if I don't go this year, it's never gonna happen. I've let this opportunity slide every year for various reasons. Most of these reasons still stand but I've decided to ignore them.

The hardest thing will be leaving Derry. This is something that I've avoided thinking about too hard. I went without seeing Derry for two months this summer (ok, I saw him for a day in the middle of it). He was away for a month and the day after he got back, I went away for a month. And to tell the truth, I didn't handle it so well.

For the first time in my life I was homesick. Literally the first time ever. I reckon this was a lot to do with the fact that I really stressing over some stuff at the time. I knew I was going to fail college again and there was nothing I could do about it because I'd fucked off on holiday. I am soooooo bad at college. I literally have zero motivation. I think i handed in maybe one assignment on time last year and attended approx 5% of my lectures. I don't know why I can't just cop the fuck on and do the work. ANYWAY.

Another thing I realised was that it was the first time I'm ever had a home worth missing. This house is the first place that I've finally been comfortable living in. Classnevin rules. I have lived in five and a half houses in the last 4 years and this is the only one thats ever felt like home.

When I got home I said I never wanted to go that long without seeing Der again. And obviously, I still don't. But I just don't want to spend another summer sitting here wishing I could be somewhere else having adventures and experiencing a new way of life. (Although, i have to say this summer was prob the best one I've ever had. It kicked the ass out of 2005.)

I also understand that even if I was here all summer, Derry would not be. He has his own shit to do and his own adventures to go on, and I know that we'll fit in some adventures that we can have together at some stage, but for now we need to do our own thing. We have the rest of our lives to be settled, and get our cat and our cottage and all that, and I need to get this out of my system.

SO I've booked my visa and put a deposit in my flights and as long as I get the money together by march, I'm going to california on June 1st.

I am excited and terrified.

P.S. Me and Derry are twins: